Tips to Ease the Symptoms of PPD/PPA
The weeks and months following the birth of a child are precious, fragile, and complicated. For many new parents, the experience will look very different than what they expected. The images of joy, love, and connection may be clouded with lack of sleep, stress, and overwhelm. For new mothers, about 20% will experience a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder. This includes postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, and several other less-common disorders. Dads also experience postpartum depression at a rate of about 10%.
Based on the numbers, chances are, you or someone you know will face this challenge as a new parent. Luckily, working with a specialized and trained professional can do wonders to help you get back to being YOU. A supportive relationship with a doctor or therapist can help you learn new coping skills, mood regulation techniques, and will help you discover your new identity as a person and a parent.
Although you may feel tired, overwhelmed, and a little out of control, there are things you can do TODAY to start to feel better. Read below for some simple tools to implement immediately to heal your body and mind, and connect you back on with yourself.
Sleep: This is arguably the most important thing to focus on as a new parent, yet also very challenging. New babies do not sleep well. It’s normal for a newborn to be up every couple hours around the clock. They need to eat, they need to be held, and they need to be soothed. However, getting sleep is paramount for you and your mental wellbeing. Researchers have shown that the minimum needed for mental wellness is a 4 hour chunk in the night, which can be followed by interrupted sleep for several hours after. For new parents this is an important goal to reach. Ask your partner, family, or a paid support person (doula, night nurse, nanny) to help you achieve this goal. If you go to bed early and let a support person take the first 1-2 night wakings, you will be able to achieve at least a 4 hour stretch in the beginning of the night. You can then wake with the baby for the following night time feeds and will have enough sleep to be able to regulate your emotions during the day. The old saying “sleep when the baby sleeps” is often scoffed at by new mamas, and I get it, but if you are able to pick even 1 time during the day to rest while your baby sleeps you may be able to really maximize your rest time while still feeling like you get a break the rest of the day.
Outside time: Getting outdoors is healthy for everyone. The sunshine, the wind, the birds, this is all input for your brain and body that helps to regulate your nervous system so you feel more calm and balanced. Many new parents find that taking a daily walk greatly improves their mood. It helps to implement a flexible routine in the early days, and a daily walk is something that most people find that they can manage without too much stress. If a walk is too hard to manage then try sitting outside on a balcony, porch, or in your backyard. Being in nature and allowing your body to sit in the sunshine has natural mood-boosting effects.
Connect: New parenthood can feel isolating for many people. If feels as if your world is on pause while everyone else keeps moving. It is easy to lose track of relationships when you’re in the blur of the feed/sleep/diaper cycle. It can be hard to schedule times to check in with friends and family members when your schedule feels so uncertain and unpredictable. It may be helpful to pick 2-3 close relationships, people who you know are able to be flexible and understanding, and start there. Try to connect with these people in ways that seem manageable to you. Try to meet up in person if you can, they can go on a walk with you or meet you for coffee. If an in person meeting seems too hard, try for a video chat. Seeing their face can help you feel more grounded to who you used to be, as well as talking about things other than the baby. If the baby interrupts your call, just hang up and try again another time!
Deep breathing: Deep breathing or guided meditations are wonderful tools for soothing a frazzled nervous system. Deep breathing is actually one of the most scientifically-backed tools for anxiety management, and it’s free! If you are new to this, there are lots of free resources on youtube or various apps that will help guide you through deep breathing exercises. If you’re experienced, then you can sit by yourself in a quiet room for a few mins and breathe on your own. Even 5 minutes a day of deep, focus breathing can help you feel better. This teaches your nervous system how to toggle back into a calm state from a state of stress. The more you practice, the better you are able to do this on the fly. When your baby is sleeping, take 5 minutes to go and breathe before you jump into chores. You will be amazed at how much more calm you will start to feel.
Self-forgiveness: Perhaps the most important mental shift you can make into parenthood is to practice self forgiveness. You are learning a new skill, a new role, and you aren’t getting any free time to process what is happening or to rest. This is hard. It is hard for everyone, no matter what it looks like on social media. Learn to forgive yourself. You will make mistakes, you’ll mess up, you’ll forget things, you’ll get resentful of your partner, and it is all ok. This is all normal. It is the natural growing pains that happen with any big life transition, and boy is this a big one! So take a deep breath, let yourself be human, and allow your mind to be gentle on yourself. You will get through this.
I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California offering in person and virtual support for new parents. I specialize in working with individuals and couples going through infertility, pregnancy, and early parenthood. If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you, I offer a free 15 minute consultation phone call.