7 Ways to Stay Connected During Stress
Stress does a number on your relationship.
Whether it’s new parenthood, facing infertility together, or being quarantined together for 4 months, your partner is the person who you will be interacting with the most. They are the person you feel safest with to share your thoughts and feelings. They are also the person you will take out your stress on.
You don’t have to feel disconnected and alone during times of stress. With some small but meaningful shifts in your daily life, you can feel closer and even MORE connected to your partner during tough times. Follow the tips below to see what might work for you!
Go on walks together. Two wonderful things happen while out on a walk with your partner. First, your body is moving and breathing in fresh air. Your endorphins will naturally rise and you’ll feel happier. Second, you have a unique opportunity to chat with your partner in a casual way. When you’re walking, you are not facing each other directly and making eye contact. This can be a way to have conversations in a way that feels less confrontational than a face to face interaction. Try it!
Eat meals together. Ahhh the forgotten family time. Eating meals together when you can provides an opportunity to slow down and connect. Put the phones away, and spend time chatting. Sitting down and talking can slow you down and provide an opportunity for grounding, which will relieve anxiety.
Reminisce about fun memories from the past. When you are stressed your brain can really focus in on the negative. You can easily feel more irritable and get annoyed more easily with your partner. Thinking about your favorite memories together can remind you of happier, less stressful day, and can remind you of the connection you share with your partner. This allows their simple presence to be a stress reliever for you.
Make time for daily check ins. This is possibly the most important tip of them all! During times of stress, one of the first things to go is our connection to our partner. This is also one of the biggest tools to mitigate stress and a build up of resentment. Making time to check in (daily if possible, but a minimum of 3 times per week) to chat, to catch up, to go over any issues, to bring up unmet needs, and to provide support and love to your partner, is essential to the overall health of your relationship.
Increase your positive interactions. When you are stressed, your relationship becomes stressed, and you may struggle to see your partner in a positive light. You may also struggle with feeling valued in your relationship. One of the most simple, yet POWERFUL, things you can do is to increase the positive interactions you have. This provides some cushion when things aren’t going well. To do this, have a chat with your partner about creating a more positive environment environment at home. Commit to them that you will work on saying more positive things to them, and ask that they do the same. Then, do it! Tell your partner when you see them doing something you like, something that makes your life easier. Thank them for helping you, supporting you, and loving you. Tell them that you still love looking at them or being around them. This will create such a positive shift in your relationship, leaving both you and your partner feeling valued and loved.
Ask questions about your partner’s inner world. This is something we do when we are first dating someone. We ask questions, we try to get to know them, we are curious about who they are and what they think. Then, once we are committed, we often stop being curious. We assume that we know all there is to know about our partner and we ignore the fact that people change, ideas change, and world views change. Use stressful times as a way to reconnect with the curiosity about who your partner is and what they think. Ask questions like you did when you were first getting to know them. Find out what has changed for them over time.
Seek therapy. Couples therapy is a gift that keeps on giving to your relationship. It is also far more effective to go to therapy when things are still going relatively well, versus waiting until things are bad. When you wait until things are falling apart, there may be less motivation to do the work to shift the relationship because there is so much resentment. It is hard to undo years of bad interactions and poor communication. It is much easier to correct and create positive interactions proactively to mitigate issues in the future. If you feel like you are making efforts to connect in your relationship, but that you are missing the mark somehow, it may be time to reach out to a trained couples therapist for support. They can offer tools, resources, book recommendations, and individualized support. A couples therapist will offer much more than just being a moderator to your fights, they will create positive interactions moving forward for the life of your relationship. At Rebecca Newton Therapy we are here to help and support you through your relationship challenges.
I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California offering in-person and virtual couples therapy and relationship support. I specialize in working with individuals and couples going through infertility, pregnancy, and early parenthood. If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you, I offer a free 15 minute consultation phone call.